Q. Did your HIV+ status have anything to do with your decision to leave gay life?
A. No, I started on this journey in 1981. I tested negative in 1983 and was diagnosed HIV+ in 1996.
Q. If you left gay life in 1981 before HIV was epidemic how could you be positive in 1996?
A. I started this journey in 1981. Unfortunately, it is not an overnight process. I went through a period of severe depression in 1989 and slipped back into acting out. I was probably infected at that time.
Q. What was the cause of the depression?
A. Loneliness. Most conservative Christians do not handle this issue very well (especially those in my peer group), therefore it was difficult for me to find people with whom I could socialize. This type of situation is one reason many strugglers fail to move forward.
Q. Are you still attracted to men?
A. No, I no longer find men sexually attractive.
Q. Are you sexually active with women?
A. I am surprised at the number of Christians who ask me this question. Sex outside of marriage is outside the perfect will of God. Why go through the misery of changing your sexual orientation, only to engage in sexually immoral behavior with women? I am a happy celibate bachelor.
Q. I am out, proud and gay. Why should I change?
A. You shouldn't. The only way to successfully mature out of gay life is through the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. If He is not calling you out of the life, you will never make it. The human will is not strong enough to alter a life-long life style.
Q. Are you saying you are born gay, that it is genetic like eye color?
A. No. The root causes of homosexuality are many, varied and complex. Joe Dallas has written an excellent book, "Desires In Conflict", that in my opinion is a great resource for understanding the possible causes of a gay orientation.
Q. What about the headlines a couple years back about some scientist finding a genetic link to homosexuality?
A. NIH molecular geneticist Dean Hamer did not claim to have found a genetic cause for homosexuality. He found a genetic marker on the X chromosome in 80% of his gay subjects. Also Hamer's research has never been duplicated by another lab. His theory remains just that, a theory. The media jumped on his initial report as a way to explain homosexuality. Chandler Burr has written a very entertaining book about this discovery from the gay apologists perspective. "A Separate Creation" does a good job of reviewing Hamer's research and that of others. However, Chandler does not prove a genetic basis for being gay, or straight. Simon LeVay's research is also very interesting. The only thing science has been able to prove is that the human brain and body is beyond our total understanding.
Q. You sound rather liberal. Would you support gay life being taught in our schools as an acceptable alternate life style?
A. Actually, I am an evangelical, fundamentalist for those who want to put labels on people. I accept people for who they are and seek to reach out with love, compassion, and understanding to those who are in gay life. I know that not all gays have the desire or will to leave the life behind. And I would rather approach this subject in a way to reach some with the truth than adopt a legalist approach that offends all. And no, I do not believe gay life should be taught as an acceptable alternate life style in schools.
But, I do believe that young men and women who have these feelings should have access to compassionate people to talk to. Our whole legalistic approach to gays and lesbians drives young people into the arms of the gay activists. We have not made counseling available through our churches or schools. Ignorance, fear, bigotry and hatred have ruined the lives of more young people than a frank open discussion of the alternatives available.
I also support reform in the inheritance laws. I know of many cases where families disowned their gay child, only to contest their wills after their death. Many gay men who have died from AIDS have left their assets to their gay partners and/or friends who took care of them during their illness. Our courts have set aside these wills in favor of biological families. In my opinion this is not fair, actually it is probably illegal. However, judges seem to think that all gay men are incompetent when it comes to disbursing their estates. The are competent to acquire assets, but not to bequeath them? This is a travesty. People who refuse to assist a dieting family member should not be enriched by their deaths.
Q. Mental health experts claim that you can do major damage to the psyches of people young and old trying to make them change their sexual orientation.
A. Most mental health experts do not know how to counsel those struggling with this issue. The APA amended the DSM II in 1973 and the DSM III in 1987. This effectively stopped all APA sanctioned research into the root causes of homosexuality. Properly trained and compassionate counselors are effective in helping people overcome this issue. "Homosexuality and the politics of Truth" by Jeffrey Satinover, M.D. and "Homosexuality and American Psychiatry" by Dr. Ronald Bayer are good resources for why the APA action was taken as is the NPR broadcast "81 Words". Besides, you cannot force people to change. This is a personal decision that should be made after counting the cost and checking into the alternatives available.
Q. Others have tried to change and failed. Why are you different and what gives you the right to sit in judgement on the gay community?
A. You are right, some have tried and failed. The ex-ex-gay movement is growing in numbers and becoming a force to be reckoned with. I do not know these men personally, so I can not comment on why they failed. However, I can make an educated guess based on my own experiences. Lack of support and encouragement from the Body of Christ has caused more people to revert to sinful behavior than any other factor in our society. The prejudice of the religious leaders in our society have unfairly marked those who are different with a stigma not found in Scripture. Christ viewed the multitude with compassion, and taught the multitude with love and the desire to point them to the Father. He called the religious leaders "white washed tombs and hypocrites". Ex-gay ministries are designed as a stepping stone out of gay life. Some of these ministries are doing great things in reaching out to those who question the validity of gay life. However, it takes the Body of Christ to complete this work. The church has to take the responsibility to disciple those seeking to be free or take some responsibility for their failure. Men cannot live in a vacuum, and the church has so far failed to fill the vacuum of love and acceptance all men need to move from a life of sin to a life of freedom in Christ Jesus. I am not saying that those who failed can blame the church, we are all ultimately responsible for our choices. But, what are you doing to encourage gays to seek freedom from homosexuality, other than supporting rabid anti-gay politicians and hate groups.
As to why I am different; leaving gay life and walking in obedience to what I see as the perfect will of God is more important to me than anything else. And this has to be true for those who seek to live moral lives. It is not easy to change your sexual orientation, however it can be done as long as you are willing to dig deep within yourself and dig out the roots. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" was and still is my battle cry.
Q. What do you mean by "change"?
A. Change means change in behavior for some and change in orientation for others.
Q. You believe in the inerrancy of Scripture and then call the religious leaders "white washed tombs" and bigots for taking a stand against homosexuals. Isn't that an oxymoron? What about Leviticus 18:22 and the other Scriptures that condemn homosexuals?
A. Historically there are 7 Scriptures that address homosexuality - the act. The religious right attacks the people, not the sin. I would be a little less caustic and cynical of the religious community that preaches hate toward gays if the hundreds of Scriptures that address sexual morality for straights were emphasized to the same degree as these 7. The divorce rate among Christians in America today now exceeds 50%. Morality and commitment among the straight majority is sadly lacking. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Leviticus 18:22 "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." The act is the abominations, not the people. All sin is an abomination in the eyes of God. Since you want to quote Scripture look at:
Proverbs 6:16-19 "There are six things which the LORD hates,
yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil,
A false witness {who} utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers."
These are also an abomination to God. I do not have a problem with teaching the truth as long as it is taught with the following as the main message:
1 Corinthians 6:11 And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.
The Gospel Jesus taught is a gospel of love and redemption through Jesus Christ our Lord, not a gospel of hate and condemnation for those who live in ignorance of His truth.
Q. Do you support the political movement to give gay couples the same rights as straight couples?
A. No. But, I think the religious right is being very hypocritical in this. It is okay to have a significant other and live with them outside marriage in the eyes of our society. Straights living together outside of marriage is an accepted practice today. I do not see the religious right on a campaign to restrict the rights of this group. I have heard some good "Christians" say (with a straight face) "Well, that is a normal sin." I guess that makes adultery okay. I do support equal treatment for the entire population which is guaranteed by our Constitution. I also believe that Gay Gene" Critique Links better reflects the attitude of the average LGBT in America than that of rabid gay activists who are quoted in the media.
Q. You use the term "religious right", what do you mean by it?
A. I think I need to clarify this term by adding the word "political." The political religious right (PRR) are those with a political agenda to force their brand of Christianity down the throats of Americans. Some of the information they put in the media is inaccurate and in some cases outright lies. I agree with their basic desire to see this country return to morality and family values. I disagree vehemently with the way they are using hot social and political issues to promote their agenda. Education will accomplish what is needed, that and practicing true Christian principles. Those who would sit in judgement on others, especially non-Christians should remember that the Scriptures have this to say:
Therefore you are without excuse, every man {of you} who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things. And do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment upon those who practice such things and do the same {yourself,} that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? Romans 2:1-4
It is the kindness of God that leads to repentance, not the political maneuverings of men who are growing rich off the pain of others.
Q. You keep mentioning the Body of Christ's role in men and women moving out of gay life. Why?
A. "No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main. . . . Any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in Mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." (John Donne) The Body of Christ must step in and take up the role of support and encouragement necessary to help strugglers stay on the right path. Loneliness and isolation are enemies that only people can help us fight. It is essential that the Body of Christ replace the sense of community gay men and lesbian women give up when they start out of gay life. It this does not happen, we have a tendency to look back with nostalgia at what was left behind. Left alone strugglers will seek the company of those who accept them for who and what they are. This is a long term struggle and it takes a long term commitment from others to support and encourage strugglers to final victory.
Q. But, we have nothing in common. How can I help someone from that life?
A. You have Jesus Christ in common. And people are people. Gay men need to be mentored by ever straight men who can help them learn how to live in a new world. Lesbian women need to be mentored by ever straight women for the same reasons. All men and women need to know they are loved and appreciated and accepted for who they are, in spite of what they have done or how they have lived. A lot of us moving out of gay life have to deal with self hatred. A hatred made worse by the caustic remarks we constantly hear from the religious community about how evil we are. The Body of Christ must help us accept that we are all equal in the eyes of our Heavenly Father and that Christ is our source of strength and self worth. You can help those leaving gay life behind by treating them like everyone else. We have the same emotional and spiritual needs. We just have to learn to fulfill those needs according to His perfect will and accept the fact that He loves us in spite of what we used to be. And as His ambassadors, the Body of Christ has to be our source of support and education. If this does not happen, the gay community will take strugglers back and tell them that the church hates all gays and could care less what happens to them. And for some ex-ex-gays that is exactly what happened. The apathetic acceptance from institutional Christians is not good enough for those seeking to walk free of sexual sin. We must reach out actively to support and encourage those who seek to be free of any life dominating sin, no matter what it is.
